There’s a new book on trauma called The Trauma Myth: The Truth About the Sexual Abuse of Children – and Its Aftermath. I ordered it online from Amazon. The promo interested me. The author, Susan A. Clancy, a researcher at Harvard, claims that the adult survivors of child sex with adults did not find the sexual activity traumatic at the time it occurred.
I was interested. From my clients’ stories and from my own experience with my father and grandfather, I know that physical force and fear are not necessarily involved in child sexual. The perpetrator is most often a trusted, loved adult authority.
The abuse for these children does not meet the criteria for trauma. It wasn’t intolerable and inescapable at the time. The lifelong damage they suffer comes from the guilty secret they must hide, their sense of betrayal when they’re old enough to understand the meaning of sex and their shame about participating in these acts. Clancy is certainly not the first to point out that, for many children, it’s often not the act itself that causes the problems. “They made it clear to me that the abuse was not traumatic for them when it was happening because they had not understood what was going on,”she writes. (p.55)
When the book arrived I was shocked to read the author’s claims that child sexual abuse damages people because “of therapists and others who make a business of treating the supposed victims.”
Whooaa, there! Something was very wrong with this book. What’s more, she said recovered memory was nonsense. (Clearly, Susan Clancy has not read my detailed account in Confessions of a Trauma Therapist of how my memories surfaced in my late 40s?) Anyone who knows about recovered memory realizes 50 is a usual age for memories to surface.
Confused, I went back to Amazon where I’d ordered the book and read the reviews. (I should have done this in the first place before I spent my money on such nonsense) It turns out Susan A. Clancy has no experience as a psychotherapist. She is a researcher and associated with a group of people who deny that children are harmed by sex with adults.
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Hi Mary,
ReplyDeleteI found this very interesting, and want to remind you of my exchange with haa (maybe 12-15 years ago) about a childhood summer experience when I was about 7 or 8. The "abuser" was a beloved neighbour in his teens.
I always could remember it, but it did not stand out particularly among all the details of my history. It was not threatening, and I was able and did stop it, simply by saying the next time, "No; I don't want to.".
Even though the guy made me promise not to ever tell my parents, which I didn't, I never felt guilty or threatened by it. I knew why he didn't want me to tell them. I knew he was afraid because he thought it was wrong in their world. I thought it would be too, but not as badly as he did. I knew it was no big deaI. There were lots of bad things we did that I didn't tell my parents. Other things, that I was really upset by, I did. And other things that I wondered about, I asked. I think kids (or some kids) have a sense of what is seriously evil and what isn't.
I shared the event at your place with haa (and hwm) easily; was shocked when haa called it "abuse". Because of the strength of his conviction, and my respect for his opinions I revisited it quite deeply, never to find any sense of guilt or shame.
It is true that this neighbour childhood hero turned out to be a minor bully, a borderline abuser of those weaker than him, grabbing women as a sort of joke for example. It amazed my friends that it took me so long to recognize how bad it was. I think that was because he had been my boyhood hero. Hard to give up.
My own relationship with women shows a history of disrespect, and another form of abuse in terms of taking advantage of them, which lasted for many years. I don't attribute that to this event, but partly to the effect of first dating girls as a sixteen year old with him, and seeing and hearing the way he was with the 20+ year olds.
I think that history was more destructive of me, and my way of being. It's not a form of "abuse", not deliberate; more an illustration of how life impinges to form us when we are vulnerable.
It occurs to me that had I told my parents of the incident, they might have taken steps (?), to ensure that I didn't get around with him as a 16 year old.
Eventually I had to find a way to have a reasonable relationship, because he is still my neighbour. It has been hard for him because he often wants to revisit those days of youth and recount the rough stories of adventure etc., and I don't.
Maybe you are both right. There are both types of response.
rck