For many years I traveled to Germany to teach about psychological trauma at the Focusing Zentrum Karlsruhe. A psychotherapist has a unique window into the society in which she lives. My years of teaching psychotherapy skills in Germany allowed some very special insights into this foreign country’s history.
Germans suffered terribly from both the first and the second world wars. War, however, is not the crux of their suffering. The trauma begins with German child rearing. I believe that traditional German child rearing is responsible for Germany’s history of wartime atrocities.
Germany has a well-documented history of intentional cruelty and shaming of children dating back to the1750’s. Well meaning parents followed the advice of “experts” who told them how to raise an obedient child. What mattered was that the child would grow into a citizen who would obey orders. To this end, crying babies were shaken to scare them into never making their needs known. Children were shamed and beaten to make sure they never followed their own feelings and wishes.
No one who benefited from secure attachment as a child could have carried out the brutal orders German soldiers inflicted on their victims. As a result of their childhoods, they had no access to their own feelings. If you can’t experience your own feelings, how can you empathize with others?
The lesson for all of us is this: If we want to live in a peaceful world, we need to take great care to raise our children with love and caring.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
How our brains protect us
I’m in Germany where I have been teaching the participants at the annual International Focusing Conference how our brains protect us from whatever is too terrible to assimilate into consciousness.
I explained that normal memory, like the memory of being in my workshop, is an explicit memory. That is, it has details. They will remember much of what I said, who was there and so on.
On the other hand, implicit memory, as in traumatic memory, is carried in the body. It lacks a narrative and details.
A normal event is first registered by the thalamus of the brain, then goes to the amygdala and then to the hippocampus for storage. However, if the event is traumatic, the amygdala acts as a watchdog and doesn’t pass it on to the hippocampus for storage. That means that maybe there never was a whole memory. The memory might fragment into pieces that are visual or olfactory, but lack a context.
The mind doesn’t know about the terrible event, but the body does. Fear is the major emotion of trauma. Anxiety and depression result, even though the person cannot attach a reason for the disturbance.
Time does not heal traumatic memory. The feelings are in the present. It seems as if something terrible or threatening is happening in the present – or is about to happen. The task for psychotherapy or any type of healing is to put the past into the past. This means changing the way the brain experiences your existence.
I explained that normal memory, like the memory of being in my workshop, is an explicit memory. That is, it has details. They will remember much of what I said, who was there and so on.
On the other hand, implicit memory, as in traumatic memory, is carried in the body. It lacks a narrative and details.
A normal event is first registered by the thalamus of the brain, then goes to the amygdala and then to the hippocampus for storage. However, if the event is traumatic, the amygdala acts as a watchdog and doesn’t pass it on to the hippocampus for storage. That means that maybe there never was a whole memory. The memory might fragment into pieces that are visual or olfactory, but lack a context.
The mind doesn’t know about the terrible event, but the body does. Fear is the major emotion of trauma. Anxiety and depression result, even though the person cannot attach a reason for the disturbance.
Time does not heal traumatic memory. The feelings are in the present. It seems as if something terrible or threatening is happening in the present – or is about to happen. The task for psychotherapy or any type of healing is to put the past into the past. This means changing the way the brain experiences your existence.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
How can you forget something so terrible?
I’m in Germany at the International Focusing Conference. Today I gave a workshop on traumatic memory. The theme was why it’s possible to have no memory of terrifying events.
First, I wanted the participants to be clear on the definition of “traumatic.” Often people use the term to describe a memory that is merely bad or painful. A traumatic event has to be (1)inescapable and (2)intolerable.
Our natural impulse when something threatens us is to go into a state of fight or flight. If we can’t fight and we can’t flee, we freeze or dissociate.
Normal children are capable of dissociating in order to survive. Dissociation is learned at an early age and is a highly developed skill. I tell my clients that yogis go into a cave for years to learn this skill.
What does it feel like to dissociate? Some people describe it as looking at the world through a pane of glass while feeling nothing. Others float on the ceiling and look down at what seems to be happening to somebody else. Yet another common form of dissociation involves simply leaving the body and feeling nothing.
At one time, dissociation spared us from feeling the full impact of a situation we couldn’t tolerate. Otherwise we wouldn’t be capable of this advanced mind/body control. It allowed us to participate in some parts of normal childhood, such as going to school.
In a nutshell, our brains are designed to assure the survival of our species. Dissociation deserves our respect.
First, I wanted the participants to be clear on the definition of “traumatic.” Often people use the term to describe a memory that is merely bad or painful. A traumatic event has to be (1)inescapable and (2)intolerable.
Our natural impulse when something threatens us is to go into a state of fight or flight. If we can’t fight and we can’t flee, we freeze or dissociate.
Normal children are capable of dissociating in order to survive. Dissociation is learned at an early age and is a highly developed skill. I tell my clients that yogis go into a cave for years to learn this skill.
What does it feel like to dissociate? Some people describe it as looking at the world through a pane of glass while feeling nothing. Others float on the ceiling and look down at what seems to be happening to somebody else. Yet another common form of dissociation involves simply leaving the body and feeling nothing.
At one time, dissociation spared us from feeling the full impact of a situation we couldn’t tolerate. Otherwise we wouldn’t be capable of this advanced mind/body control. It allowed us to participate in some parts of normal childhood, such as going to school.
In a nutshell, our brains are designed to assure the survival of our species. Dissociation deserves our respect.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Germany and child sexual abuse
I’m writing this from Germany where I’m experiencing a sort of déjà vu with regard to child sexual abuse. I’m reminded of what was happening in North America years ago when victims first started coming forward to accuse The Christian Brothers and other priests of having sexually abused the vulnerable children in their care.
Everyone I talk to here, every newspaper I see, and all the radio stations – they’re all shocked and angry about the recent charges against the Roman Catholic priests.
That’s how it began in North America. The unthinkable became thinkable. Victims of boarding schools then began disclosing their sexual abuse at the hands of teachers. Pandora’s Box got opened even more when individuals started reporting being sexually abused in their own homes.
I believe that Germany—as Canada twenty years ago—is just beginning to realize the extent of child sexual abuse in its midst
By now in North America, it’s not too difficult for most people to believe that sexual abuse happens in the slums to poor, unloved children. It’s harder to accept that middle class children of prosperous, seemingly “good” families can suffer sexual abuse at the hands of the adults who are supposed to be protecting them. Our discomfort is increased by the fact that we’re more likely to identify with these middle class victims.
Confessions of a Trauma Therapist, my memoir, tells of a middle class girl from an affluent family who seems to have everything a North American girl could want. I think that’s important. Child sexual abuse, although we might prefer to allocate it to the poor, knows no class or socio-economic boundary.
Everyone I talk to here, every newspaper I see, and all the radio stations – they’re all shocked and angry about the recent charges against the Roman Catholic priests.
That’s how it began in North America. The unthinkable became thinkable. Victims of boarding schools then began disclosing their sexual abuse at the hands of teachers. Pandora’s Box got opened even more when individuals started reporting being sexually abused in their own homes.
I believe that Germany—as Canada twenty years ago—is just beginning to realize the extent of child sexual abuse in its midst
By now in North America, it’s not too difficult for most people to believe that sexual abuse happens in the slums to poor, unloved children. It’s harder to accept that middle class children of prosperous, seemingly “good” families can suffer sexual abuse at the hands of the adults who are supposed to be protecting them. Our discomfort is increased by the fact that we’re more likely to identify with these middle class victims.
Confessions of a Trauma Therapist, my memoir, tells of a middle class girl from an affluent family who seems to have everything a North American girl could want. I think that’s important. Child sexual abuse, although we might prefer to allocate it to the poor, knows no class or socio-economic boundary.
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